In the Beijing Zoo in April, people rest, communicate and eat in the open-air rest area. Lin Tianyu/photo
editorial comment/note
People are social people. Socialization is a necessity for people, which can not only provide interpersonal support for individuals, but also bring spiritual understanding and emotional comfort. For young people who are in love, job hunting, spouse selection, marriage and childbirth, daily face-to-face social communication and interaction is not only indispensable, but also irreplaceable. Recently, a poll conducted by the Social Investigation Center of China Youth Newspaper found that 70% of the young people interviewed felt that more and more virtual socializing would make them more lonely, and even 40% of the young people interviewed confirmed that they were "avoiding socializing". What makes young people feel lonely and avoid socializing at the same time? What kind of socializing do young people like? How can the social chain that appears stuck be flexible and free to turn again?
This issue of youth survey takes you into the topic of youth socialization and sees what young people and psychologists say.
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In the era of social media, more and more people are used to communicating online from morning till night every day, but when they meet face to face, they feel at a loss. Recently, a survey of 2001 young people aged 18-35 by the Social Investigation Center of China Youth Newspaper (wenjuan.com) showed that 64.2% of the young people interviewed felt that they had a psychological or behavioral "social jam", of which 26.7% felt that they had obstacles in online social interaction, 17.0% felt obstacles in online social interaction, and 20.5% were interviewed. Only 30% of young people think they have no social difficulties.
"I will avoid socializing with a large group of people."
Liu Jin, a fresh graduate from Wuhan, Hubei, is more resistant to socializing with unfamiliar people. "Sometimes when you enter a new environment, you need to talk to strangers ‘ Breaking the ice ’ Or introduce myself, I am very resistant. In addition, I generally don’t take the initiative in dealing with people, but only respond passively. "
Li Huihui, a mother born in 1980s in Shenzhen, likes to stay with friends. "I need to socialize, and children need to play with other children more, so social activities have increased in recent years. I am very happy to meet my friends for a walk and dinner. If you are bored at home every day, chatting online is meaningless. "
"Whether online or offline, I like to chat with two or three people, and I am more resistant to group socialization. I don’t like to participate in departmental dinners and don’t like to talk in group chats. Social activities of more than 5 people are at most once a year. " Zhang Yi, a post-00 student in Shangqiu, Henan Province, said that the frequency of her participation in offline social activities is relatively low. "I will take the initiative to invite friends to play when I am in a good mood, such as when I just finished an important exam or competition."
In the survey, 40.3% of the young people interviewed admitted that they would avoid socializing, 30.5% said they would not, and 29.2% said it was hard to say, depending on the situation.
"I will avoid socializing with a large group of people, such as group building, because there are too many people and many people are not familiar with them at all. Such socializing is very laborious for me." Ren Wen, a third-year graduate student in a university in Beijing, said that she would be nervous before socializing and needed to do a lot of psychological preparation. I have no obstacles to communicate online, but I don’t know what to say when I am with many people offline.
In the survey, 64.2% of the young people surveyed feel that they have social barriers, among which 26.7% feel that they have social barriers offline, 17.0% feel that they have social barriers online, and 20.5% feel that they have both.
Li Huihui also admitted that he can’t cope with all occasions. "I prefer a party of three people, because there are always people who can catch the words. Even if you don’t talk, three people will not be embarrassed together. If it is a multi-person dinner, I try not to go early, because it will be embarrassing if there are few people who are just unfamiliar. "
"It is very troublesome to make up and choose clothes before going out."
"I will meet more classmates during the winter and summer vacations. They are all old classmates and get along very comfortably, but once strangers participate, I will become embarrassed." Liu Jin often resumes the social scenes during the day. "I always feel that I have a lot of inappropriate reactions and feel embarrassed."
Zhang Yi feels that the social purpose of some people around her is not so pure. "Some students send blessings to their brothers and sisters on holidays and comment on each other in the circle of friends. When brothers and sisters need help, these people who usually pay attention to socializing seem to have more resources and connections, but I don’t think it is necessary. Later, I simply put a label on myself that I am not sociable and completely escape these social activities with a certain purpose. "
Regarding the phenomenon that some young people avoid socializing, 60.6% of the young people interviewed said that some social activities are gradually becoming stale and purposeful, which is disliked by young people. The selection rate of this option ranks first, which is nearly 13 percentage points higher than the second option. In addition, 47.8% of the young people interviewed attributed this phenomenon to the pressure of work and life and the lack of energy to socialize; 46.5% of the young people interviewed think that their interpersonal communication is thin and their social experience is little when they grow up; 42.6% of the young people interviewed think that it is ineffective and too much social interaction.
Zhang Yi feels that the pressure of work and life is also an important reason for young people to avoid socializing. "When an important exam approaches, I won’t socialize. On the one hand, I take up time. On the other hand, I am in a state of anxiety and sensitive to interpersonal relationships. If I go to see people, I may force myself to pretend to be eloquent and have to think about how to save the scene when the atmosphere is awkward. After socializing like this, I not only can’t relax and adjust, but feel more tired. "
"I have been a leader among my peers since I was a child. I feel that I must do my best in all aspects. If I am dull or say the wrong thing in crowded places, I will be accused by my parents when I go home." Li Huihui said frankly that he was still afraid of going back to his hometown for the Spring Festival. "When I was a child, I didn’t know how to speak, especially when there were many elders. It was a bit silly to call all the elders once again. I have never learned how to deal with this situation, which makes me afraid to face such a scene. "
"Now people pay more and more attention to their own image, and comparison and competition are everywhere. It is very troublesome to make up and choose clothes before going out. " Zhang Yi said that nowadays, with the popularity of social networking, people prefer to chat online by voice or video, rather than go out of the house.
The survey found that there are other reasons for young people to avoid socializing: excessive dependence on online socializing, inadaptability to traditional socializing (37.9%), lack of courage and confidence in interacting with people (30.2%), shrinking life circle (27.7%), being introverted, not liking socializing with people (24.5%), and lack of social skills (23.3%).
How to overcome offline social barriers
Ren Wen thinks that to overcome offline social barriers, we must first participate in social activities. Except for occasions where we really don’t want to participate, we must participate as long as we want to go, even if we are timid and nervous. "Only by participating more can we accumulate social experience and courage. In addition, don’t be too thin-skinned and take yourself too seriously. Another reason why many people are afraid of socializing may be that they are afraid of losing face, but in fact, there are not so many audiences in life, so just be yourself. "
Zhang Yi thinks that first of all, we should respect our own nature. People who like to listen should listen to others more. It is also very important to listen on some occasions, so we don’t have to force ourselves to tell some wisecracks. People who like to talk don’t always have to reflect on whether they talk too much or not.
Li Huihui believes that the first step to social interaction is to overcome psychological barriers. Only by getting rid of the bondage and going out can we be more familiar with people, understand them better and know what is appropriate to do together.
Regarding how to overcome offline social barriers, 63.1% of the young people surveyed suggested that young people should calm down and reduce their worries about communication failure. 61.0% of the young people surveyed suggested that their mentality should be more open, inclusive and learn to share. In addition, 52.1% of the young people interviewed suggested to strengthen their courage and confidence in interacting with others, 41.3% suggested to form their own social ways, 37.3% suggested to know themselves correctly and learn to foster strengths and avoid weaknesses in interpersonal communication, 35.9% suggested to improve their social skills, and 24.5% suggested to be normal and not demanding of themselves.
Zhang Yi said that we should try our best to create a beautiful social experience and form a virtuous circle. For example, choose a time when you feel comfortable, and go to places of interest with people you like. If you feel embarrassed and tired after socializing, you will give up socializing over time.
"A person’s own temperament will attract friends of the same type. Some people are tired when they get along, so there is no need to force themselves to contact, because it will become a burden over time." Li Huihui believes that you don’t have to get along with people you don’t like, but you should meet more friends you get along with, and you can’t shut yourself up.
"I have a friend who likes food very much. As long as she has an appointment, she must go to the store she recognizes. If she doesn’t eat well, she will be unhappy all day, so she will choose the restaurant when we have dinner. If she doesn’t say it because she is embarrassed and she is unhappy every time, then it will be difficult for us to contact often. " Li Huihui believes that there is no need to be too accommodating to others when getting along with others, but to speak out what you care about, otherwise it will affect your social feelings and you will be unwilling to associate with others.
"Socialization is not a job, and it doesn’t have to be very skillful. If it has a strong purpose, it is a business negotiation rather than a social activity. Everyone still needs to relax." Zhang Yi said.
Among the respondents, 43.5% were men and 56.5% were women. 00 accounted for 8.4%, 90 accounted for 62.6%, 80 accounted for 29.0%.
(Zhang Jiayue also contributed to this article)
Zhongqingbao Zhongqingwang reporter Wang Pinzhi Source: China Youth Daily