In the late marriage era, the differences between the two generations’ views on marriage increased.

　　Parents who help their children find the "other half" in a blind date. Photo courtesy of vision china

　　This time, the protagonist finally appeared.

　　29-year-old Ming Chen (pseudonym) entered the door behind a slightly fat middle-aged woman and sat down evasively. Yang Yanqin, the matchmaker, looked him up and down and joked, "The young man has come to find someone himself this time!"

　　Yang Yanqin, 57, is a famous obligatory matchmaker in Tianjin. When she was young, she was eager to match others. After retirement, she simply set up the "Sister Yang Matchmaker Station" and organized a blind date with a group of volunteers. "Now it has become more than 400 couples!"

　　In the past two years, Ming Chen’s mother asked Yang Yanqin to leave the information of seven or eight girls. "I think the conditions are good, but none of them have been successful!" Yang Yanqin wondered and asked to meet the boy directly.

　　"What do you want to find?" Yang Yanqin asked.

　　"Mom, what do I want?" Ming Chen turned her head to the middle-aged woman next to her. The mother immediately straightened up, took the words, and gushed, "I knew what he thought, and he wanted … …” Ming Chen was silent.

　　"The days are getting better and better, and more and more people can’t find a partner." Yang Yanqin noticed that the differences between the two generations in the blind date market have been increasing in recent years, showing two extreme phenomena: either young people are particularly opinionated, and parents can’t control whether they are married or not; Or it is completely run by parents, and they have no opinion at all. "I got married in a fog and left in a fog."

　　"Ma Baonan" gradually got married for 20 days and then left.

　　Song Xiaoyu’s (pseudonym) marriage only lasted for 20 days.

　　"Don’t look at him in his early 30 s this year, just like a child." Yang Yanqin has seen this family. Both parents are in business, and her mother is quite strong. When she came to the matchmaker station, she told Yang Yanqin, "Our house, car and bride price are all ready, but you just need to introduce us to a good girl."

　　Mother is busy planning, but Song Xiaoyu herself is the least concerned about getting married. After graduating from college, he got a stable job under the arrangement of his family. When he came home from work, he buried himself in playing games. In his mother’s words, "I don’t even know how to eat the fruit when it is cut!" "

　　Yang Yanqin is always willing to talk to young people directly. After several times of communication, she found that Song Xiaoyu is a little resistant to marriage, even a little afraid. The reason is very simple: in the future, when they get married, they will have to cook, clean up the house and arrange everything. "Think about it and worry!"

　　Seeing that her son passed the age of 30, her mother was anxious. She denied Song Xiaoyu’s idea of not wanting to get married. "If you have a child, let your mother bring it!" She accompanied her son to meet several girls and fell in love with one of them. "My family is OK, I have a bachelor’s degree, and my job is stable. It’s good!"

　　After all the arrangements were made, she sent the bride price of 100,000 yuan to the woman and pushed her son into the marriage door with satisfaction.

　　To everyone’s surprise, 20 days later, the young couple divorced and couldn’t get along with each other. Half a year later, Song Xiaoyu’s mother said that her son agreed to come to Yang Yanqin with her to see if there was any suitable one.

　　Just say two or three words, mother and son quarreled in front of Yang Yanqin. Mother complained that her son’s leaving was outrageous. "I left in 20 days and spent 100 thousand yuan in bride price." The son went back on the spot: "Who told you to let me get married?" What is the 100,000 yuan bride price? My dad can’t earn it again! "

　　Yang Yanqin feels that the 30-year-old is still "not weaned". She found that many of the boys who lingered in the blind date market for a long time were "mambo men" — — Not opinionated and immature; She believes that a very important reason behind this is — — Parents care too much!

　　Some netizens in Zhihu listed "Ma Baonan" and "love rat who cheated endlessly" as the most unmarried type, and the existence of "Ma Baonan" was one of the important reasons leading to the breakdown of marriage.

　　After seeing many on-off and on-off, Yang Yanqin often gives parents "lessons". "You never let go, how can children grow up?" Many times, instead, she advised people not to get married in a hurry. "Don’t let a child get married when he is immature."

　　Professor of the Institute of Population and Development of Nankai University has been engaged in demographic research for more than 30 years. He believes that there are many reasons leading to the phenomenon of "mother baby boy", which is also related to some families’ preference for sons. "There is still a phenomenon of paying too much attention to and taking care of boys in society, and they are brought up and become giant babies."

　　The more developed the economy, the later the young people mature.

　　Ma Botao (a pseudonym) can’t count how many times he has kissed each other. In two years, he will be 40 years old.

　　Before his parents retired, they were the leaders of the unit. There were several big houses at home. He had a good job and cooperated with friends to run a small company. He was regarded as a "golden leftover man" by many people.

　　He once had a girlfriend who had been in love for four years, and he still thinks that is his favorite girl. The girl is white and thin, and loves to chat with him about poetry and distance. They are eager to love each other for life. After Ma Botao took his beloved girl to meet her parents, her mother began to inquire about everything about the girl. She heard that the girl’s mother had breast cancer and locked her brow. "This child is sick at the slightest sign of trouble, and it seems that his genes are not very good."

　　The mother asked a cousin who worked in the hospital to take her son’s girlfriend to the hospital for a general examination. The result showed that there was a small nodule in the lung, and there was nothing abnormal at present. It is recommended to observe it.

　　This made my mother feel like an enemy. "This is a time bomb, maybe it will explode one day!" She earnestly advised her son, and finally made it clear that she must break up with this girl. Her idea is: "My son is so excellent and our family conditions are good. Are you still worried about finding a healthy girl?" If you find a sick seedling, won’t my son suffer all his life? "

　　That breakup depressed Ma Botao for a long time. After that, he talked about another girlfriend, and people broke up with him because they couldn’t stand him always listening to his mother. After that, he went up and down in the blind date market, and it seemed to be a routine to meet for a meal and talk. "It seems that I can’t find that feeling anymore." However, he himself is not so eager for marriage. "Anyway, he is not mature enough."

　　Yuan Xin believes that it is a common phenomenon for young people to ripen late. "It is said that the children of the poor are in charge early, which is true."

　　After sampling young people all over the world, some foreign scholars found that the more developed a place is, the richer the society is, and the later young people in this place grow up.

　　In China, the late maturity of young people has something to do with the rearing patterns and concepts of the previous generation. Yuan Xin believes that this is related to the changes of family structure in China since the reform and opening up.

　　In the first year of reform and opening up in 1978, the per capita disposable income in China was 334 yuan per year, which accounted for only one-third of that in rural areas. "Now, the ancestors of young people have suffered a lot. They have experienced the times of material shortage, the drastic changes brought about by reform and opening up, and the fruits brought about by the development of the motherland for decades."

　　For the younger generation, the post-80s generation experienced a period of material shortage, and the post-90s generation almost grew up in honeypots, with more and more only children.

　　That is to say, my parents have deeply experienced the taste of poverty and bitterness, and after the great changes in reform and opening up, the material conditions have been greatly improved, and many parents have an idea in their hearts — — We can’t let the children eat what we have suffered!

　　"As everyone knows, if you don’t suffer, you won’t grow up. Parents have arranged everything. Children are spoiled in one, and their ability and awareness of feedback are very weak." Yuan Xin cited an extremely common example: every year, when freshmen enter the university, all kinds of hotels around the university are filled by parents who send their children. There are always college students who send dirty clothes home by courier, let their parents wash them and send them back.

　　"Now, no matter whether the economic conditions are good or bad, parents are not at ease, because although the child is 18 years old, he is far from growing up." Yuan Xin believes that this concept will continue until children graduate, work and get married. Children mature late, and natural marriage has been repeatedly postponed.

　　There are differences in concepts between the two generations, and some young people no longer feed their families.

　　The growth period of young people is getting longer and longer, and the maturity period is getting later and later. The other side of this phenomenon is that tolerance, respect, tolerance and understanding between people are becoming less and less, and "the uniqueness of the only child is becoming more and more obvious".

　　Yang Yifan (pseudonym), born in 1992, graduated from graduate school, with a height of 1.82 meters. He works in a university and is gentle. There have been several girls who have a good impression on him, but none of them meet his parents’ requirements: first of all, we should find a local girl, preferably working in a university, or a civil servant, and her parents should also be intellectuals working in a university or government department, so as to be suitable for each other and have the same views.

　　Yang Yifan still wants to find a beautiful one, and he thinks it’s important to have common hobbies and topics with himself. But his mother thinks his idea is too naive. Mother’s reason is very realistic: find a local person to live with your parents in the future, you can go back to your parents’ home for dinner every day, have your parents to take care of you when you have a child, and even pay the property fees and utilities for you, so you don’t have to worry about anything.

　　Before each youth dating activity, Wang Jianbin and his colleagues from the Youth Development and Rights Protection Department of Tianjin Municipal Committee had to face some anxious parents. Some parents called and said for more than an hour, "I broke my heart looking for someone for him. Why isn’t he in a hurry?"

　　Yuan Xin believes that the difference in this concept also stems from the changes of the times. Young people’s parents, in their own young age, almost always took charge of their families early and tried to work to maintain the livelihood of a large family. "Now young people don’t need to feed their families at all, but only consider themselves."

　　This generation of young people took the express train of China’s rapid economic development. "The quality of life has improved too fast, especially for urban families, which completely freed children from their economic responsibilities to their families." A few years ago, "gnawing at the old" was still a controversial topic, but now, it is almost a consensus that it is impossible to afford a house by earning a salary alone after 90.

　　At the same time, the definition of marriage and family in the whole society is also changing. When your parents are young, you must get married first, so that two people can live together and someone can bear the pressure of life with you. Therefore, they regard marriage more seriously and further.

　　Nowadays, the concept is changing. Many young people can nibble at home if they can’t find a job, and the time for parents to raise their children is lengthening, which makes some young people unwilling to get married and afraid of taking responsibility, and choose to live together instead of getting married, or to postpone marriage repeatedly in an evasive way. They pay more attention to their own personal life experience, and seldom care about others’ feelings. This kind of individualistic "uniqueness" consciousness is intertwined with the extension of growth period, resulting in the phenomenon that young people now fear of marriage, marry late or even never marry.

　　"From all angles, parents should let go early, cultivate their children’s ability to live independently, and encourage them to take the initiative to shoulder their responsibilities." Yuan Xin believes that excessive arranged love will weaken the competitiveness of the younger generation in the future and even affect its life-long development.